Not knowing how to start this was the biggest problem for me. A few things you need to know before reading this. I have a two-year-old daughter and I several things happened right after she was born. I got postpartum depression, I, got, so so much desired job in fashion, and my shopping habits got out of control. We had financial trouble for some time and this job was supposed to help us, but It did just the opposite. So here we go.
Several months ago I was in a dark place and I never even realized that. I have always liked shopping and enjoyed it more than other people I knew, but over time, it became an obsession and I lost control. Without any idea about how to change what was happening, I believed I will end up without any money and with a serious damage done to my mind, but a miracle happened. My friends have noticed what was going on and decided to help me fight my battle.
‘Have to have it!’
Not actually aware just what I was doing, whenever I saw a piece of clothing I liked, and mind you it didn’t even have to be a really beautiful piece I would fall in love with, I would come in and buy it immediately. My closet was becoming way too small to hold all my clothes, but I was blissfully unaware of that fact. I didn’t even have to wear the clothes once I bought it, it just had to be in my wardrobe and wait for ‘the right time to be worn’. Also watching all those beautiful dresses my daughter had made me buy a matching one for me.
In the dark pit of debts
As irrational as this move may be, I ignored my bills and didn’t have the strength to look at my credit card balance. I knew I was spending too much, but every time I felt bad, I would go shopping. It was starting to affect my life, I was becoming anxious, but not for a moment did I stop to think about buying less. It was a dark place and even darker times for me, and whenever I feel bad today, I just try to evoke the overwhelming guilt and panic of those times to remind myself that there is still hope. I was at the point of endangering my own child, which is the light of my life.
Friends to the rescue or hell on earth
My wonderful friends noticed what was going on and realized that I was never going to get out of it on my own. They came to my place, we had a really long and serious talk and I agreed to let them help me. We threw all my clothes to one pile and went through it, watching and analyzing every single piece. They made the effort and patiently explained why I couldn’t keep all the things I wanted, and I did my best to let go of all those beautiful pieces I would never wear again. It sounds easy, but it wasn't. They thought that the only way to snap me out and make this different from spring cleaning is to sell everything that is not essential. Of course, I wanted to keep more stuff, but I believed them and the mere process of letting things go help me a lot. And on the other hand, everything that was put in the “sell” pile was a very small step closer to a debt-free life.
What I kept
On a practical side, things that I kept were sparse, but easy to combine. It has been just a few shirts, a pair of jeans and elegant pants in basic, neutral colours. Two midi dresses and skirts, a cardigan, trench, and a blazer were the only ones I kept. With shoes and handbags the same thing happened – I was only allowed to keep a few areas which could easily be combined. The rest went to eBay to be sold in hopes that it will help with my debts.
The struggle is real
Thanks to what I earned on eBay, I managed to cover some of my debts, but I still decided to destroy my credit cards and I swear it was the right thing to do. When it becomes hard I hug my little angel and it gets a little easier. Whenever I felt really bad and sad that I couldn’t buy something, I call my friends and talk to them about how I feel until I felt better. Their patience was endless and I am lucky and grateful to have such good friends by my side. Even do I thought I hated them while we were thrown out my clothes.
I can honestly say that I don’t know where I would have ended up if there weren’t for my friends. My life was a mess and I would have ended up with nothing at all if they haven’t come to help me. Now my life looks different and I and thankful every day for their patience and dedication to get me back on the right track. I swore I will never again be a compulsive shopper, and that I will think ahead whenever I see anything I like.
I believe that the real break trough was when I started realizing that I have to take care of my daughter since there is no one else to do it. She relies on me alone and thank god I never put her in any harm. This may sound lame, but having postpartum depression is affecting the way someone sees the world.